Pick Yourself Up, Dust Yourself Off

I don't feel like writing today. I've started a health blog on my Web site, mainly as a way to keep myself up on health news and explore areas of interest. But I just don't feel like adding to it today. For one thing, I read the science Times, and it was a bit of a snore. Oh look, another article in H1N1! Oh--and one about childhood vaccinations and a different one on the effectiveness of garlic on colds. Do I detect a theme here? zzzz

I also just wrote a couple of recommendations for people as well as requesting a few and feel oddly exhausted by the effort. I suppose that looking back and inevitably revisiting some of the various slights and stings from 15 years working at the same company leaves me feeling a bit less than.

Putting yourself out there, sharing your work, talking up your skills is hard work--and sometimes the exposure gets to me. (This is why I don't rock climb!) Of course people are complimentary, but who would really tell you that something sucks--or almost worse, that it's OK but nothing special? How do you really know what people think? This is an internal conflict that I have never completely resolved--and there is no question that it has hurt me professionally. Trust is such a tricky issue, and unfortunately I don't do it easily.

These are mental paths I should avoid treading, but it's not easy to stay off them. I remind myself that no matter how good you are, there is always somebody out there who is better. The problem in this economy is that ONLY the best are getting hired. Those of us who have achieved a measure of success, but not real greatness, have our work cut out for us. It's been awhile since I've felt I was at my best--for a variety of reasons, some within my control, some not. And while I knew it wasn't personal, getting laid off didn't help. The best solution I've come up with is to ignore these thoughts and distract myself. Maybe writing in my blog, where I can give voice to my doubts, will help too.